jack pours a glass of water from the refrigerated water dispenser.

jack wonders if he will stay awake.

jack wears variegated blue and gray flannel pajamas and a grey bon iver t-shirt featuring a lock hanging from the neck, he thinks.

jack thinks he will fall asleep even tho he just woke up.

jack exits his apartment.

jack goes to the little market two hundred fifty paces away.

jack smiles at the middle-eastern owner.

jack knows him, but can never remember his name.

jack is embarrassed and never asks again.

jack opens the cooler door and pulls out a Monster.

jack sees a frozen Home Run Inn pizza in an adjacent cooler.

jack cries.

jack thinks about the time he got on the wrong train line and his mother drove an hour and they stopped at the actual Home Run Inn restaurant.

jack thinks about the coffin.

jack thinks his mother is still his best friend.

jack has never worried how this sounded.

jack turns away from the cooler.

jack reassures his nameless convenience store friend he is 'ok.'

jack estimates 55-60% of his life is occupied with assurances and reassurances.

jack wonders if he caused chandra to run away by asking her if she was running away.

jack takes his change and puts his gloves on.

jack wonders why he has to wonder.

jack wants to make a declarative statement.

jack states the world is fucked; we are fucked.

jack is certain of only these propositions - and that he is walking down a street towards his apartment.

jack wants to call chandra and ask her what color she would paint a barn.

jack does not call chandra.

jack sits on his couch.

jack thinks about pleasure.

jack thinks about masturbating or writing.

jack thinks they are the same thing.

jack thinks about immanuel kant.

jack sits on his bed naked and reads tao lin.

jack masturbates and then writes.

jack copies tao lins style.

jack doesnt know if he (jack) has a style.

jack wonders if style matters.

jack suspects he likes tao lin's style because it is styleless.

jack thinks style is another facade, another obscurant.

jack thinks he wants to write igloos or wigwams or open faced tents like on LOST when they were camped out on the beach.

jack doesnt want to hide anything from anybody.

jack wishes he could stop hiding things from himself.

jack glares at the unopened Monster.

jack thinks about cavemen drinking Monsters and ripping flesh off the bone, teeth grinding, glistening.

jack listens to tool's 'undertow' (the album).

jack wonders if he asks too much of people.

jack thinks he asks Enough.

jack thinks about graveyard hearts.

jack wishes he got in a car accident and didnt remember anything before the car accident.

jack's ass thinks he has not moved in hours.

jack gets up and feels the Monster.

jack's Monster is cold.

jack has not been thinking for hours.

jack wants to be able to watch LOST for the first time.

jack wonders why they ever wanted to leave the island.

jack reads an article on alternet asking "why are americans passive as millions lose their homes, job, families, and the american dream."

jack listens to animal collective's 'fireworks' and thinks he could cry if he wasn't so funny.

jack thinks he likes to be sad.

jack counters that the world is fucked.

jack rebuts his (jacks) counter.

jack does not think anything is decided.

jack walks around his room.

jack wants to call chandra.

jack does not call chandra.

jack sits at his computer and opens up gmail.

jack knows what he wants to do and pleads with jack to abstain.

jack reads chandra's first words.

jack reads every word they wrote each other on gchat, gmail, and facebook which he estimates at between twenty-five and seventy-five thousand.

jack recounts every face to face and phone conversation he can remember.

jack remembers every meaningful look chandra ever gave him.

jack wonders how many looks he misinterpreted.

jack estimates that one percent of people that say they are happy actually are happy.

jack estimates Some Greater Percentage of people that think they are unhappy have happier seconds than happies have lifetimes.

jack wonders if he is one of these people.

jack wonders about happiness density.

jack thinks chicken and broccoli and cheese makes him happy.

jack talks to a friend on gchat.

jack thinks how easy it is to fake emotions online.

jack wonders how long chandra has been faking it.

jack yells at jack for doubting chandra.

jack reminds jack that her great feeling of enlightenment, of lightness, of exerting her will alone has coincided with pulling away from jack.

jack is weary.

jack wonders why he is weary.

jack makes a peanut butter, grape jelly, and Nacho Cheesier Doritos sandwich and drinks a Capri Sun and feels better.

jack would like to someday meet a happiness not extinguished upon comprehension.

jack doesn't know what to do.

jack goes through the motions.

jack smiles all the time.

jack laughs at every joke.

(repeat x ∞)